Driven Into Tears

Throughout my whole life until my senior year, I lived a life full of leisure. I always witnessed my fellow peers going through tough times during school. Stress was always eating them up. I used to think, “This is why I take what I can do. Stress and pressure never fit me.” That’s what I used to think. And now, I am one of the victims of being overwhelmed. Being overwhelmed with stress and not happiness is human. I knew that. However, I didn’t think it would hit me that hard until that day.

            I am the Historian-Technician of the school. A part of what my commission does is to create the semester yearbook for ASB, Student Leadership. This year is my first year to lead my new commission since I am the only commissioner that has returned from the previous year. Of course, my commission has to look up to me for everything. I had to set a good example for them, especially since the youngest one will be taking over next year.

             The event that has happened back in December was truly the most overwhelming experience that year. We had to get as much footage as we can for our semester yearbook. We were so behind on our interviews. On top of that, we had to also work on a farewell video for someone that was transferring schools. We only had less than a week left and I was already stressed out. My commissioners didn’t understand how much I’ve stressed out about how we needed all of our first semester footage before break begins. They were more focused on the farewell video. I know that had a closer deadline, but honestly, it’s not that hard to do. Delegating the work is the key.

            One night, I sent a text message to my commissioner and told him that he and our other commissioner can finish their farewell footages while I finish getting our yearbook footage. I can’t quite remember, but I do remember how he said how the farewell video is much more important than the yearbook one. He even brought up my former commissioner which made me feel slightly guilty and angry. Saying, “What would he do?” How can someone compare one of my favorite commissioners when they didn’t even share anything with them? This isn’t the first time either. He brought up my commissioner many times when my idea seemed to not satisfy him. My whole theory is that we shouldn’t totally compare our ideas to the previous year. We need to try to become more original so we, as leaders, can bring something new to the table.

            I didn’t talk to him after that text. I couldn’t help it. Bringing my old commissioner up made me feel as if I failed my old commissioner. It’s like you failed to prove yourself independent towards someone who is above you and expects you to do well. What else happened that night? I cried until I fell asleep.

            The next morning, I felt like crap. My commissioner went up to me and I just gave the silent treatment. My feeling at the time was that if I spoke to him, I would either have a mental breakdown or yell at him. I couldn’t do that.

            When 4^th period came, I still gave him the silent treatment. I was getting slightly angry because he was acting as if nothing happened that night. That was annoying. That felt like as if a break up happened the night before and the boyfriend or girlfriend is casually talking to their former other half. When class began, I approached my teacher and asked if I could do something really quick that regarded the yearbook and she denied that request.

            Two days in a row of being shot down on what I absolutely needed to finish. My teacher noticed my mood and she asked.

            I broke down.

            Tears were streaming down my face. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I felt the stares from my commissioners across the room. They went outside to do their footage. My teacher told me that I should talk to them immediately.

            And I did.

            I walked out and spoke to the one that didn’t really know what was going on. I just remember telling him that I didn’t feel like I was being supported anymore. I felt as if our commission wasn't a team at the time. Another teacher of mine walked passed me and gave me a hug. Great, I've brought in more attention upon myself. It's not that I don't like being comforted, but I just don't like how something that seems so small to others attracts attention.

            Afterwards, my main problem approached me while the one I was just talking to stepped out. By just looking at him made me cry even harder. I was so hurt from how he has been acting lately.

            We sat down while I cried my eyes out even more, if that is even possible. He put his arm around me and apologized. He didn’t realize how overwhelmed I have been lately. Everything happened in a flash. All I remember saying to him was that he never listened to me. He continued his apology. Eventually, he tried cheering me up with a pointless story about a Pikachu. I can’t lie. It did make me laugh a little. Isn’t it funny how just one small action can change or enhance your emotion?

            In the end, we agreed to set aside all differences and work with the most possible and quick solution: delegating the work evenly as a team.

            And what do you know? We managed to pull it off successfully.

            Like I said, being overwhelmed with stress is a human trait. It may drive us into tears, but somehow, a part of that stress makes you work harder. When other people are involved in the stress given, we have to understand that we must work with them together. Being overwhelmed with stress could be conquered when done the right way. For me, I conquered it by approaching the problem at hand. If I hadn’t, who knows where our bond as a commission would be?